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Pomegranate and Scorpion by =Teague-Drydan:iconTeague-Drydan:



I
Staring at the charred remains, I grieve.  Trellis and stone blackened by fire,
the scorpion statue that sat in the pomegranate tree.  I check the coming tantrum,
reminding myself yet again that life is not fair,
life is never fair.

II
The pomegranate, sole survivor,
Proudly stands in the remains.
A gift of his parents
and responsible for tears
in the children’s clothes.
The garden is the only living loss;
the ruination of the scorpion has raised our ire.

It used to sparkle gaily in the sunlight,
perched in the pomegranate’s branches.
The children loved to look at it when sad.
When the sun shone on it, glimmers casted
about the garden.


III
Reminders  of what had been
stare blindly
back.  The balmy
summers under
the scorpion’s
gaze, roasting
marshmallows
in the fire
as the breeze
blew scents of
the pomegranate
toward us.  The
children laughing
and the chimes
softly tinkling.  
Memories bring
tears to my eyes
as I remember
those fair evenings
in contrast to the desolation before me.

IV
Plans are to take the children
after the burial and tears
to replace the scorpion
so the pomegranate doesn’t look so bare.
Taking back what was stolen.

V
The embers of that fire still smolders
in my heart.  The arsonists
who seared Dragon Hall,
attempted the pomegranate,
receive my deepest wrath.

VI
Under the scorpion’s gaze again, the children
play about the garden.  Set to right once more,
the garden has taken on a new light.
The same and different, mingling two opposing
views and melting them into one.
:iconteague-drydan:

Author's Comments

A 3rd revision of the original Sestina. Stealing back what the fire stole being the second.

I am trying to polish this one up. It's also being entered into an on-campus contest--wish me luck!

Critiques


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:iconsephirothviipsx:
I really like how this revision reads and sounds, it has come a long way from the original. The numbering works well for me, and I like how the third stanza breaks from from the rest as it is remembering past times. It definitely gives the reader a beautiful image of this lone pomegranate that has survived. Best of luck on the contest! :) Also, in order to have works critiqued, you need to pay for a full account right?
:iconteague-drydan:
Thanks! I look forward to seeing what the class says about it Friday...

And, I believe that is right about the critiques. Hopefully most people are smart and still keep their comments open so the "average joe" can comment as well. Even if a flood of "cool"s come thru.

--
dA is for the literary arts, too.

:thanks: Thank you, =WeavingMagic, for the icon! I love it.
:iconsephirothviipsx:
If you don't mind me asking, how much does a subscription cost?
:iconteague-drydan:
um...I honestly don't know off the top of my head...I've never bought one. I've been gifted/won them. It should be fairly easy to find out tho...

--
dA is for the literary arts, too.

:thanks: Thank you, =WeavingMagic, for the icon! I love it.
:iconteague-drydan:
[link] that should tell you.

--
dA is for the literary arts, too.

:thanks: Thank you, =WeavingMagic, for the icon! I love it.
:iconteague-drydan:
welcome.

--
dA is for the literary arts, too.

:thanks: Thank you, =WeavingMagic, for the icon! I love it.
:iconjordanpopz:
Really love it :) good luck :)

--
[link] <<<--- commissions info
:iconteague-drydan:
Thank you.

--
dA is for the literary arts, too.

:thanks: Thank you, =WeavingMagic, for the icon! I love it.

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April 15
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